Saturday, February 12, 2005

The Answer to Our Prayers

"WASHINGTON (AP) - Democrats elected Howard Dean chairman of their national party on Saturday, casting their lot with a skilled fund-raiser and organizer whose sometimes caustic, blunt comments can lead to controversy."

Republican strategists and conservatives everywhere have fantasized of the beginning of an article similar to this for months, now. Yes, we have had our deepest desires met, and the sinking ship that is the Democratic Party just gained a monumental, gaping hole in its side. The hole can best be summarized by this - and I quote:

"YEEEEEEAAAAAUUUURRRRGGGHHHH!"

Okay, so that was a little cheap, but so is this victory, right? We didn't even have to work for it. The Democrats are willfully collapsing from the interior, and now they've all but admitted defeat. Pardon the ad hominem, but seriously, how overtly dense could you possibly be? This action comes from a party trying to remember its formerly "centrist" successes of the Clinton era - they've hired a quasi-socialist in favor of abortion on demand and a pacifistic terrorist sympathizer, one so blind to reality that he once implied that President Bush collaborated with the Saudis on 9/11. I find it hard to believe that, after an election highlighted by 'moral values voters' in Red states, there were such remarks as this, from Florida delegate Joyce Cusak:

"We are trying so hard to be like Republicans and we're not. I think Howard Dean says clearly that we are different. We are the party of ordinary citizens and not the elite, we are everyday working folk."

I think it has been made pretty clear that she is wrong on all fronts. They're definitely not like Republicans (we'll benefit from that) and they most surely don't represent the average citizen. With abortion on demand and the multitude of assaults on Christianity and traditionalism and the philosophies thereof, they actually seem to be in direct opposition to what the 'average American' stands for. Then again, is this not the same party pushing for gay marriage? Is this not the same party of Peta, Planned Parenthood, NOW, ANSWER, GLAAD, and numerous other liberal groups? We have seen suicide today, folks - the self inflicted murder of the left's facial institution. And are they so bold as to believe even the words coming out of their own mouths? Let's see what Nancy Pelosi has to say:

"He has used the power of technology, the force of his personality and the depth of his ideals to bring new people into the party."

Don't you think his 'personality' is a little bit too forceful? How deep are his ideals - about as deep as a a child dwells in a mother's womb? Or as deep as the taxpayers' wallets? It seems they are deep enough to consistently be on the wrong side of history and the other side of public will.

And then - this is the best part - Dean speaks for himself:

"The way I hope to deal with that problem, is not to abandon our core principles, but talk about them in a different way," he said.

They have a word for that. It's called "spin", which is a form of "deceit", which is commonly linked to "lying". It goes on:

Democrats are not pro-abortion, but "we are the party in favor of allowing women to make up their own minds about their health care," Dean, a physician, said.

... And also the healthcare of their pre-born children. Wait, let me get this straight: Democrats aren't pro-abortion, they are just against the babies? I mean, as much as I love to see a woman have dangerous, promiscuous sex and not have to deal with the consequences of that choice, but instead delegate the responsibility to the baby inside of her, I just don't see the logic or moral virtue of this "core principle".

Democrats are not for gay marriage, but "we are the party that has always believed in equal rights under the law for all people," he said.

Democrats aren't for gay marriage?! Fascists! As a side note, I am for equal rights, too. That is why I am against "gay marriage" and believe that all people should be represented equally in the democratic process. I mean, I love disrespecting and disregarding the opinions of the majority while also demeaning one of the most sacred and longest enduring religious institutions known to mankind and all - don't get me wrong - but I was under the auspices that homosexuals could marry just as easily as heterosexuals could - just to someone of the opposite sex. Equality is a beautiful thing.

"We are the party of moral values."

Now you're just being silly.

"We only have one way to go, and that's up," Georgia delegate Lonnie Platt said.

Heh, that's not true. You've been up. You've had your chance at the top and you've flaunted the elitism you have been granted by votes past, and you have failed miserably in the truest sense of the word. You have very far to go down yet, and until you are at the bottom your agenda will be attacked as the beliefs of the majority - the realization of some of the most axiomatic truths - continue to succeed. Luckily, Dems, there is hope for you after you are rendered jobless. After the President reforms Social Security you can always just retire without debt on a PRA. How does that sound?

It sounds like the Battle Hymn of the Republic; or rather, the Republ-I-Can-s.

"YEEEEEEAAAAAUUUURRRRGGGHHHH!"

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